It was the most amazing cocktail party you could ever imagine. Former Vice President Joe Biden was going on and on about his favorite ice cream shop on the Delaware shore, when in walked Robert De Niro.
“How’s that screenplay coming, Scott,” he asked.
Before I could respond, Beyonce sauntered by.
OK, that is total fiction. There was no cocktail party, there is no screenplay, and while it is true that I was on a flight with Beyonce once, she sat way up in front.
That is an extreme example of name dropping, where we try to seem important by associating ourselves with well-known people. But before you roll your eyes, take note: We all do it, according to University of Georgia psychology professor W. Keith Campbell, an expert on narcissism.
“You’re throwing a name out there in order to show your own status by knowing the person,” Campbell told CNBC’s “Deadly Rich.” “It’s a way to look good and to gain social status.”
To some extent, name dropping is a function of basic human interaction — finding common ground with the person you are speaking with by identifying acquaintances that you share.
“It’s a way to establish relationships,” Campbell said. “This is totally normal. This is how you find out people’s social networks and go ‘Hey, we both know Susie in Key West.'”
“The name dropping is when Susie is Bill Gates, and that’s the first thing that comes up in a conversation,” he said. “You’re doing this as a way to manipulate people.”
Name dropping can become especially problematic when the name dropper lies or embellishes his experience. After all, these days, verifying a name dropper’s story can be as simple as a Google search.
Perhaps the most extreme and horrifying example is the man best known as Clark Rockefeller, supposedly an heir to the iconic family fortune, who kidnapped his daughter in a custody battle, and eventually was convicted in the grisly murder of an acquaintance years earlier.
In fact, Rockefeller was German immigrant Christian Gerhartsreiter, a serial imposter who moved up the social strata for decades using at least five fake identities and lots of name dropping. In Gerhartsreiter’s case, not only was he dropping famous names — from members of English nobility, to director Alfred Hitchcock, to the Rockefeller family — but he was falsely inserting himself into their stories. And he appeared to show little regard for anyone but himself.
“Clark Rockefeller was able to carry on different personas. And along the way, he just kept upgrading his name,” retired Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Detective Delores Scott told “Deadly Rich.” “He was a chameleon. He was all over the United States taking on different personas, fooling different people.”
The scheme turned deadly with the murder of Jonathan Sohus, whom investigators believe may have simply gotten in the way of Gerhartsreiter’s grandiose plans. Sohus’ remains were eventually found buried beneath a house where Gerhartsreiter was staying. Sohus’ wife, Linda, had disappeared at the same time. Her whereabouts are unknown.
Just because you are not a Rockefeller, that does not mean you are not a name dropper. Recognizing the trait in yourself can be tricky. Obviously, there is no rule of thumb — mentioning three famous names a week does not automatically make you a name dropper.
Campbell says it is important to develop the self-awareness to know when you are name dropping, and to be honest with yourself about why you are doing it.
“You can train yourself to notice it, or you just have to ask your friends and hope they tell you the truth,” Campbell said.
The line between normal interaction — finding common experiences or telling an interesting story — and potentially harmful name dropping can be fuzzy, Campbell said. But it is important to understand the potential damage the practice can do.
“When it starts to mess up your relationships, when people start thinking you’re more focused on status than actual connection with people, those are the kind of (concerns),” he said.
While the motivations for name dropping can vary widely, Campbell said name dropping is often a symptom of narcissism, or an over-inflated sense of self.
“The relationships become about status-seeking, and dominance, and success,” he said. “That makes it really hard to have a family, or to have close relationships. And I think that’s where it can get people into trouble.”
This is not to say that all name dropping is bad.
“I look at these things as strategies,” Campbell said. “These are strategies that people use.”
Like any strategy, some name dropping is more effective than others.
“The people who are real clunky about it — if somebody walks in and they right away start dropping their names, everyone just rolls their eyes and thinks, ‘shut up,'” he said.
Done right, however, name dropping can be an effective ice breaker.
“Name dropping works because it shows your social status and your social connections,” Campbell said. “If I enter a room and I have this network of high status friends or associates, people want to know me because they want to be in my network.”
This, of course, assumes that the names you are dropping truly are people you know. Name dropping should never be dishonest. And your motivation is key.
“Sometimes you just want status, and that’s OK,” he said. “You want to get to know people, so you’re talking about your shared social network, and that’s the goal. When you’re giving people information where the sole goal is to make you look good, that’s where you have a problem.”
Clark Rockefeller — or Christian Gerhartsreiter — was a master at using the strategy of name dropping toward evil ends. For a time, he even fooled his own wife. And each time that the truth would start to catch up to him, he would simply concoct a new identity, always dropping plenty of new names along the way.
Go inside the twisted mind of the con man known as Clark Rockefeller, and see how he finally meets his match, on an ALL NEW episode of “Deadly Rich” — from the producers of “American Greed” — Monday, August 7 at 10pm ET/PT only on CNBC.
