Of the 15–20 people you identify, perhaps half will be amazing personal relationships but unlikely professional mentors.
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Your mentors don’t have to work in your company or even in your field. Many of my most valued mentors have worked as professors, at law firms, or in public service — all very different spheres from me.
But those individuals knew business leadership, entrepreneurship, personal character or the contours of my companies and industries well. Many have worked directly in my company or industry.
Narrow your list to those most helpful.
3. Pursue diverse perspectives
You should likely have a mentor in the company in which you work (unless you are the CEO). You should likely have a few more in your industry — if not your company — who are close enough to your day-to-day decisions to advise on them.
“You should also seek people outside your immediate professional orbit who can offer perspective and distance from your day-to-day.” (iStock / iStock)
But you should also seek people outside your immediate professional orbit (like the lawyers, professors and public servants I’ve turned to) who can offer perspective and distance from your day-to-day.
This helps with objectivity. It can also be valuable should you seek to transition or to navigate a problem new to your industry on which outsiders might have a fresher perspective.
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You should also consider more conventional types of diversity in the people from whom you seek advice. The point of mentorship is perspective and wise counsel. Those things rarely happen in a bubble.
4. Seek apprenticeship first
The best mentorship is apprenticeship.
As a young consultant at McKinsey & Company, I found that my most important mentors were managers and partners on my teams. They got to see my work closely, and I got to observe them day-to-day.
Mentorship conversations were natural — daily or weekly — and happened in the context of us advocating for and working with one another.
Today, I am blessed with a number of business partners, each of whom does something better than me, whom I can observe real time to learn from them, and from whom I can seek feedback.
“Natural professional relationships can be the most rewarding in your life and can also lead to advocacy and sponsorship.” (iStock / iStock)
I’ve also had time to “apprentice” by learning from nonprofit leaders while serving on boards.
And these natural professional relationships can be the most rewarding in your life and can also lead to advocacy and sponsorship.
5. If you need to, ask for help
Not every mentor should be someone with whom you are working directly. You need outside counsel. So occasionally, it’s wise to simply ask someone for help.
This may be formal. Some people prefer to structure relationships — asking for quarterly meetings, for example. Or they may be more informal. Most of my mentors are people who connect with me more naturally at occasional breakfasts, or when I text or call for advice.
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Most people want to help and will value these interactions. Some won’t have the time or interest — which is OK. You may ask someone and they may say no, and you should never begrudge them that. But never fear more intentionally reaching out.
6. Always express gratitude
The primary thing you can do to hurt a mentorship relationship is to be transactional or rude. Your mentors don’t need anything from you. But they want to feel valued, respected and appreciated.
When I’ve had mentees who never asked questions about me, never said thank you, or only reached out for immediate help I have often grown wary of the relationships.
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Those mentees, meanwhile, who have taken the time to know me, have expressed gratitude, and have built a relationship with me have been a pleasure to engage with. Always focus on relationship. Always say thank you — verbally, or with a nice handwritten note.
Adopt a mindset of gratitude.
7. Add a mentee for every mentor
We should pay forward those gifts given to us. And if you are going to ask others to mentor you, you should take the time to mentor others.
As a rule of thumb, for every mentor you have, you should be acting as a mentor to at least one person.
“A young professional can mentor an intern or be a big brother or big sister.”
