The Melting of the Snowflake

Russia! Russia! Russia!

When did the Democratic Party become Jan Brady?

Then again being a fictitious middle sister is dramatically better than factually being a part of La Raza, CAIR, BLM, or the Nation of Islam.

The same Nation of Islam that called for the killing of all White People.

The same Black Lives Matter that called for cops to be fried like bacon and then murdered law enforcement in the streets.

The same Council of American Islamic Relations that supports Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood.

The same La Raza that believes they are “The Race”.

Talk about the most Anti-American quadratic equation ever.

Can anyone say Keith Ellison?

It appears the Democratic Party might.

I can hear it now.

Nancy Pelosi, she of the Hamas is a Humanitarian Organization belief, will stand and say,”We are pleased to introduce the new head of the Muslim Brotherhood, err the DNC, Brother Keith Ellison. I’ve been told to say As-salamu alaykum, so I will, although I’ll have to read the Quran later or Google Snopes to know exactly what I just said.  So congrats Brother Ellison and Allah Akbar!”

I digress.

Jerry Brown is a greater danger to Democrats (and Humans) in California than Vladimir Putin.

Kamala Harris is a greater hazard to Democrats (and Humans) in California than Vladimir Putin.

The release of convicted felons (with the approval of Brown, Pelosi, and Harris) happening in California every day due to “overcrowding” is a greater risk to Democrats (and Humans) in California than Bad Vlad yet it’s the Brady Bunch twenty-four seven.

Should we tell them again?  Do you think they will get it this time?

Maybe we should sit the Dems down with an “edible” to soothe their frayed nerves.

After a few bites of high fructose corn syrup, genetically modified wheat, and just enough synthetic mary jane to reportedly send an NFL defensive end crawling on the ground naked at a police station, the Dems may finally be ready to hear the truth.

Nope not yet.

We just lost them on “synthetic” because “real weed is the shnizzle my dizzle” and cures all diseases and problems in the world.

“You know Jason, marijuana comes from the ground.”

Yes I know.

So does the Poppy.

Natural Gas “comes from the ground” too but you don’t see me breathing deeply around Public Transportation busses awaiting existential thoughts.

Let us try anyway.

Here we go.

Hush now Dems.  We want you to concentrate.  Even though some of this info was around before Jesus and then reintroduced and honed by Jefferson, Madison et al, it appears you guys are slow learners.

Democracy leads to Tyranny.

The United States is not a Democracy.

Okay hold up a minute.  Put down the bong.  I know this can be tough on the Sixties/Snowflake lifestyle so let me try again in a slightly different manner.

The United States is not a Democracy.

Democracy leads to Tyranny.

Whoa Whoa WHOA!!! Safe spaces safe spaces! Someone get a safety pin! That’s totally different Jason!  You can’t be moving things around!  My Snapchat account won’t allow that! By the way that’s not what our teachers are saying. Our teachers say we are a Democracy.  Not really sure what that means but I KNOW that’s what we are.

Yes I know you’ve been told this for decades.  Don’t feel bad.  We’ve all been fed garbage for a while like cigarettes are good for us and margarine is healthier than butter.  Type-Two Diabetes went from a disease to a manageable lifestyle.  High cholesterol, heart attacks and strokes aren’t caused by our choices anymore.  Obesity is now plus size not to mention it isn’t your fault for slamming a half dozen sodas a day and living on AM/PM corn dogs.

It’s all hereditary.

Just blame your “rents” and stay on their medical insurance as long as you can.

Here’s your pill and your sign.

Jason! Jason! Jason!

Yes Jan?

Well Mr. Smart Guy, Mr. Know it all, Mr. Bald privileged white guy with “high cheekbones” who doesn’t do drugs, rarely drinks, and writes incredibly entertaining columns free for all to read….

(Sound of a deep breath.  Could be an inhaler.  Probably not, followed by a hacking cough and then a hand reaching for a brownie).

Yes Jan?

Sorry Mr Smart Guy, Mr. Socratic Theory! Mr. Adam Smith! Mr. James Madison! Mr. I cannot focus on what you are saying because of your striking Elizabeth Warren cheekbones….

(Gulp of a Starbucks Frappuchino followed by a quick selfie of a new piercing (insert body part here) and a quick tweet about Global Warming).

Sorry Mr. Abraham Maslow!  If you are so smart then tell me what is the United States of America?

Well first Jan it is shaved not bald and secondly we are a Constitutional Republic.

What’s that?

I thought you’d never ask.

Jason Kraus

www.aleadernotapolitician.com

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